Week of 8 March 2010
CSI Season 9 **** (Stars William Petersen, Marg Helgenberger, Laurence Fishburne; £49.99; UK Cert 15) The obvious question with CSI Season 9 is ... £50? FIFTY QUID? Seriously, who’s going to spend half a ton on a show that: a) is on TV every night anyway; and b) will probably be available before Christmas on a two-for-£20 deal? Assuming you do have more money than sense though, what you’ll get for your cash is 24 episodes of quality TV, including the combined CSI investigation into Warrick’s death, and the mid-season departure of Grissom (Petersen) to be replaced by the ever-expanding Laurence Fishburne as Dr Raymond Langston. The fact that the show remains watchable even after such a major change of personnel and, particularly, given the somewhat samey nature of its content is pretty remarkable. In short, it’s quality, and gory, business as usual. Extras: A surprisingly decent bunch of extra bits, from deleted scenes to a couple of episode commentaries, assorted features, a lookback at Grissom’s career, a celebration of the 200th episode, etc. — Neil Davey
Sinking of Japan ** (Stars Kou Shibasaki, Tsuyoshi Kusanagi, Mao Daichi, Etsushi Toyokawa; Directed by Shinji Higuchi; written by Masato Kato, from the novel by Sakyo Komatsu; UK cert 15; £15.99) Think Independence Day with earthquakes not aliens, add a dash of Armageddon and you’ve pretty much got the plot of this earnest, occasionally risible disaster movie. An underwater earthquake hits Japan and geological research proves it’s what the Government has feared for years: the first natural disaster in a chain that will see Mount Fuji erupt and Japan sink within a year. You want a big effects action fest: what you get is a wordy, cliché-ridden, overlong drama with occasional scenes of devastation. No extras — Neil Davey
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland *** (Stars Fiona Fullerton, Peter Sellers, Michael Crawford, Dudley Moore, Sir Michael Hordern, Spike Milligan; UK cert U; £7.99) If you’ve recently had to suffer Tim Burton’s painful “reimagining” of Lewis Carroll’s classic, you might appreciate the chance to reacquaint yourself with this rather more charming adaptation from 1972. It’s not great by any stretch of the imagination – it looks very dated, and the songs are pretty hideous – but the pretty 15-year-old debutante Fullerton is a sweet lead, and look at that cast of British legends under the eccentric costumes. Regardless of flaws, it’s certainly closer in tone to Carroll’s creation than Burton’s pile of poo. Mind you, can I make a suggestion here? The Muppet Alice in Wonderland. How bloody perfect would that be? No extras — Neil Davey
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Week of 1 March 2010
Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant *** (Blu-ray; Stars Chris Massoglia, John C Reilly, Josh Hutcherson, Jessica Carlson, Michael Cerveris, Salma Hayek, Willem Dafoe, Jane Krakowski; UK cert 12; £19.99) When Tod Browning made his infamous film Freaks back in the early 1930s, he used real sideshow freaks. In 2010, though, everything's CGI – so Cirque du Freak uses proper actors with a little help from their digital backroom pals. Based on a series of kids books, The Vampire's Assistant has been called "an endearingly goofy teen-vampire tale reminiscent of The Goonies or Lost Boys". While nowhere near as good as either, it is a decent enough story. Teenaged Darren (Massoglia) who becomes a "half-vampire" assistant to Larten Crepsley (Reilly) and gets involved in a war between "good" and "bad" vampires. There's plenty of chemistry between Massoglia and Reilly, and it's always great to see Hayek on screen. Terrific fun for kids, and enough to keep parents amused too. Extras: 35 - count 'em, 35! - deleted scenes; a three-part making of called Guide to Becoming a Vampire: Learn Your History: the Development and Casting (9 mins), Find a New Home: Filming the Big Scenes (4 mins), Surround Yourself With Friends: Making the Cirque and its Freaks (6 mins); Tour du Freak, an 18-minute tour of teh circus, including chats with cast and crew; My Scenes, a feature where you can bookmark favourite scenes in the film; D-box, U-Control, and Picture-in-Picture. — Stuart O'Connor
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Week of 8 February 2010
Go Fast **½ (Stars Roschdy Zem, Olivier Gourmet, Jil Mmilan; UK cert 15; £15.99) This film is based on true facts. So, not the made-up facts then? Errr ... maybe it’s lost something in translation from the original sweary, testosterone-heavy French that powers – sort of – this mindless continental actioner: think Les Vites et Les Furieux. After the murder of best mate and partner, undercover cop Marek (Zem) wants revenge so he joins a crack undercover unit trying to infiltrate an ultra-slick gang. The gang’s MO? The “go fast” of the title: they bring in hashish from Morocco using state-of-the-smugglers’-art speed boats and distribute it across the continent using performance cars. Rah. Cue high-speed chases, scenery-chewing macho posturing and not a great deal else but hey, it’s decently made, if mindless, adrenaline-fuelled fun. Extras: Making of, Deleted scenes, Trailer. — Neil Davey
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Week of 25 January 2010
Undercover *** (Stars John Clements, Godfrey Tearle, Tom Walls, Michale Wilding, Mary Morris; £15.99, UK cert 12) It’s 1941 and the Germans have invaded Yugoslavia. Captain Milos Petrovitch is leading the guerrilla war effort while his doctor brother Stephen pretends to collaborate with the Germans in Belgrade in an attempt to gain inside knowledge and thwart the aggressors. This Ealing Studios production was shot with an entirely British cast and released during the war presumably as a piece of morale-boosting propaganda. It’s an engaging if somewhat predictable drama but there’s a decent enough script (albeit with predictably dated dialogue at times), solid performances and a few exciting explosions as the Yugoslav resistance does battle with the Nazis. No extras — Justin Bateman
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Week of 11 January 2010
Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God ** (Blu-ray; Stars Bruce Payne, Mark Dymond, Clemency Burton-Hill, Ellie Chidzley, Tim Stern; £19.99; UK cert 12) Regular visitors to Games Workshop might enjoy this latest addition to the D&D franchise, but for everyone else it’s likely to be rather unimpressing. A sequel to the unloved Jeremy Irons-starring Dungeons & Dragons of 2000, Wrath of the Dragon features a bunch of heroic types trying to capture a MacGuffin from an evil sorcerer in order to prevent him from inflicting evil dragony carnage on their neighbourhood. With special effects and production values that bring to mind an ever-so-slightly souped-up version of the BBC’s Merlin, everything about Wrath of the Dragon is just about adequate. The plot could have been drawn up in minutes by a ten year old role playing enthusiast, but the cast nevertheless make a decent fist of the script, and it never teeters over into hammy embarrassment even during intense discussions about the best way to hide from orcs or dispatch dragons. Coming so soon after Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings adaptations, this low-budget effort seems a little bit redundant. With swords and sorcery done so comprehensively in recent memory, the meagre scope of D&D is unlikely to impress anyone. Not awful, just underwhelming. Extras: Table Talk - A video snapshot of D&D gamers and their experiences / Selected Scenes x 6 / International Trailer. — Adam Boult
Doctor Who: The Complete Specials *** (Stars David Tennant, Michelle Ryan, Lindsay Duncan, Euros Lynn, Andy Goddard, James Strong, Graeme Harper; £39.99; UK cert 18) So, David Tennant has left the Tardis. After a very successful five-year run, in which he was often voted "the best Doctor of all time", here are Tennant's final five outings. Well, three to be exact – the final two-parter, The End of Time, was not available for review. So what we have here is The Next Doctor (the 2008 Christmas special, set on Christmas Eve in 1851 in which Cybermen stalk Victorian London); Planet of the Dead (the 2009 Easter special, in which a London bus takes a detour to an alien world); and The Waters of Mars (a dark, scary thriller that sees the Doctor land on Mars, at a base in peril). Great acting all round, particularly from Tennant, but sometimes Russell T Davies's writing seems a little overblown. But it's been a great run so far, and roll on the new boy – Matt Smith – in the autumn. Extras: Doctor Who Confidentials. — Stuart O'Connor
And Then There Were None ** (Stars Oliver Reed, Elke Sommer, Richard Attenborough, Gert Frobe, Herbert Lom; £15.99, UK cert PG) Based on Agatha Christie’s novel of the same name, this 1974 adaptation has an all-star cast and a exotic setting. The plot, for the uninitiated, revolves around ten people with skeletons in their closet being invited to an empty house by a ‘mutual acquaintance’, a Mr U. N. Owen. The host, who is mysteriously absent, leaves a tape to be played which reveals each of the guest’s darkest secret, all of whom initially deny the claim made. Then, in the manner described in the poem ‘Ten Little Indians’ a copy of which is left in each room, one by one people begin to die. What should be an exercise in suspense and intrigue is strangely free of both. True, there is some mystery as to who is responsible but as there are no clues whatsoever, the viewer can’t really even play detective to guess who dunnit. So while it’s stylish and well acted, it’s also cold and oddly flat. My advice? Read the book. No extras —Justin Bateman
The Lost Continent ** (Stars Eric Porter, Tony Beckley, Niger Porter, Suzanna Leigh, Hildegard Knef; £15.99, UK cert 12) A steamer ship sets sail from Freetown heading towards Caracas. It soon transpires that Captain Lansen (Porter) has some illegal high explosives on board, a danger which is heightened when a hurricane hits. Fearing oblivion, some of the crew and passengers abandon ship, only to find themselves in a misty netherworld filled with carnivorous plants and strange and dangerous creatures. This 1968 fantasy thriller from Hammer is bizarre, to say the least. Character background is given and plot points are introduced only to be abandoned, while the story lurches from one set piece to another without warning. The monsters are brilliantly ’60s B-movie , all rubbery limbs and bright green neon eyes and it’s by no means boring. But the total lack of explanation for what is going on and a somewhat perfunctory ending is slightly frustrating and unsatisfactory. No extras —Justin Bateman
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Week of 28 December 2009
Dogging: A Love Story * (Stars Luke Treadaway, Richard Riddell, Sammy Dobson, Kate Heppell, Allen Mechen, Justine Glenton; £15.99; UK cert 18) The first rule of any comedy is to be funny. Sadly, this debut effort from director Simon Ellis falls at the first hurdle – there is not one laugh to be had. Marketed as a rom-com about the strange British practice of "dogging" – having sex in parked cars while other people look on – we follow the daily antics of journalism graduate Dan (decent actor Treadaway, who needs to find better roles than this). Newcastle lad Dan is keen to get a job as a hack so he sets about working on a feature about this bizarre phenomenon, hanging around in online chatrooms (as East of England Eight Inches) and conducting voxpops about dogging. Decently handled, this could have been a humourous 70s-style sex comedy, or a decent drama bout this weird subject. But it's just a mess. Extras: Just the trailer. — Stuart O'Connor
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