Reviewed by Cassam "The Rage" Looch
Stars Jason Statham, Claire Forlani, Leelee Sobieski, Ron Pearlman, Matthew Lillard,
Jonathon Rhys-Davies, Kristanna Loken, Ray Liotta, Burt Reynolds | Written by Doug Taylor
UK certification 12 | UK RRP £15.99 | DVD Region 2 | Runtime 120 minutes | Directed by Uwe Boll
Asking director Uwe Boll to take the helm of a movie is like asking Michael Jackson to do a spot of babysitting — it can only end in tears. Taking a look at the cast list, you’ll realise that there is a sizeable amount of talent involved in this film in front of the camera, which is made all the more remarkable given the track record of the man behind the lens.
A man called Farmer (Statham) sets out for revenge when his family is attacked with his son being killed and his wife (Forlani) being kidnapped. With their land being destroyed by the evil Krugs led by Ray Liotta’s King Gallian, Farmer stumbles across a small group of fighters prepared to rise up and fight back. Apparently there is a videogame called Dungeon Siege ... and, as an avid gamer, that’s news to me. Regardless its not the film’s heritage that is the problem it’s the garbage put up on the screen that is of concern. Why did anybody decide to invest upward of 60 MILLION DOLLARS on this? I know that the exchange rate mean that it’s probably only a few quid, but that’s a few quid too many.
Someone has pocketed the special effects budget for sure, because there is no way that the jerky CGI was done on anything more powerful than a steam-powered computer. Having seen the recent blockbusters that have excelled in both the fantasy and special effects genres, this is like having to stop using broadband internet to get your information and turn to teletext — on a TV with bad reception.
Boll is a famously mouthy man. Widely regarded as the world's worst filmmaker (a reputation cemented by his latest effort, Postal, which is so awful it would be a crime to describe it), he has in the past taken to fighting film critics who have blasted his films. Boll has won all his matches so far — not surprising, given that most film critics are in their 50s, badly out of shape and often deserving a good slap. I say MOST critics, because if you are reading this Uwe, I’ll take you on anywhere and anytime. You deserve a proper beatdown for this turgid, poorly executed mess.
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