Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (1-disc DVD)

I'm so, so sorry to report that this sequel to the 2007 blockbuster is as bad as the original was good. Is it possible that Michael Bay only ever had one good film in him? (Although some people claim that even one is stretching it a bit far.)

Set two years after the original blockbuster, Sam (LaBoeuf) is heading off to college. Autobot guardian Bumblebee appears to have found a comfortable existence in the Witwicky’s garage, so is understandably upset to learn that not only can he no longer doss down, but student vehicles are banned on campus. Unknown to them, Sam still has a fragment of the first film's maguffin (the AllSpark) in an old pocket.  Once the evil Decepticons get wind of this, the inevitable robo-carnage soon follows.

Everything is bigger, louder and longer this time round. And at two-and-a-half hours, Revenge of the Fallen outstays its welcome by an hour. The script comes across as though it was written by a robot, the dialogue is incomprehensible (you'll definitely need to watch it with the subtitles on) and much of the action is so confusing you've really got absolutely no idea who's good, bad – or indifferent (here's a hint: many, many audiences will fill that third slot). The characters are impossible to care about – Fox is only there to seductively drape herself, semi-clothed, over any machinery she can find that has wheels – and almost all of the battles are tedious rather than exciting. The CGI is stunningly good, but at the end of the day, it's just CGI – nothing more than a bunch of pretty drawings made inside a computer by some very clever artists. Do yourself a favour – if you're craving some decent sci-fi, action, watch Star Trek again.

EXTRAS What? The "special features" consists of nothing more than an audio commentary with Bay, along with co-writers Orci and Kurtzman? I mean, really – 20 QUID for just the film plus a commentary track? What an utter ripoff.

Stuart O'Connor is the Managing Editor of Screenjabber, the movie review website he co-founded with Neil Davey far too many years ago. He likes all genres, as long as the film is good (although he does enjoy the occasional bad "guilty pleasure"), and drinks way too much coffee.

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