Dance Flick

Remember when spoofs were: a) spoofs; and b) actually funny? I'd like to go back to those days. I mean, why can't we have another Airplane! instead of yet another Wayans Brothers turd or one of those "Movies" like Date Movie, Disaster Movie, Superhero Movie, etc.? While it's certainly fun to review a film like Meet The Spartans, there is an obvious downside: you also have to sit through it in order to review it and that's 80-something minutes of my life I'll never have back.

By a similar calculation, with four Scary Movies already under their belts (and another on the way apparently), the Wayans must owe me about a day by now. After Dance Flick, a barrel-scraping "pastiche" of the recent (and not so recent) dance movies, I'll compromise. Just let me at a couple of them with a baseball bat and I'll waive all my rights to lost time.

Sadly, this is a film designed by the Wayans and greenlighted by the accountants. For, as shocking as the Wayans canon is, people ARE going to see these films. As long as they do that, they'll be allowed to keep making them. Low production values, a cheap cast of unknowns – or, in the Wayans’ cases, people we WISH were unknowns – and a script bolted together in, apparently, five minutes or less. Cost: not many millions. Takings: depressingly lots. So who's paying to see these films? And what can we do to stop them breeding?

Bizarrely, while there are "gags" here at the expense of Step Up, Stomp The Yard, Dream Girls etc., the main story is a direct spoof of Save The Last Dance. If memory and IMDb serve, Save The Last Dance came out in 2001... so you can now add “topical” just below “funny” and “talented” on your lists of “Things The Wayans Brothers Are Not”.

Megan (Bush) is a slightly snooty former ballerina who, after the death of her mother, leaves the world of privilege behind for inner city life with her impoverished dad. Forced to enrol in a local inner city school (so amusingly called Musical High School: see what they did there?), she meets Thomas (Damon Wayans Jr), a good kid from the wrong side of the tracks with a pressing problem. He owes several thousand dollars to a local gang boss, and he and his crew must oh, I can't be bothered...

What do you mean lazy journalism? I've already put more time and effort into this review than the entire Wayans family put into the film. It's dull, uninspired, crass, tedious, badly acted, unfunny... Actually, there is one moment that did make me laugh: a self-reverential gag about the Wayans family and their movies. Here's the thing though boys. Don't joke about the films, just stop making them. Please.

Dance Flick, as you may have guessed, is as much fun as a gravel enema. Avoid at all costs.

Official Site
Dance Flick at IMDb

Neil Davey is a freelance writer who specialises in things you can do sitting down, such as travelling, eating, drinking, watching films, interviewing famous people and playing video games. (And catching the occasional salmon.) Neil is the author of two Bluffer's Guides (Chocolate, and Food, both of which make lovely presents, ahem), and, along with Stuart O'Connor, is a co-founder of Screenjabber. Neil also writes / has written for The Guardian, The Daily Telegraph, Square Mile, Delicious Magazine, Sainsbury's Magazine, Foodism, Escapism, Hello! and Square Meal.

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